Layovers

i remember layovers in Dubai

when i was little little little

when i thought to myself

perhaps i should be a pilot

being things is different when

you are little little little

but you don’t feel small

you don’t get told you aren’t very tall

you don’t get told that at all

because you don’t listen

because you just don’t care

you do things now, too, to make things go away

to get away from the day that is today

the day that is pretending to be the day that isn’t

the day that is on show

although deep down

you and they all know

the day that isn’t is

the day that is

and i think to myself

a pilot wears a uniform and behaves in a uniform way

and saying i want to be a pilot

is a thing that a little but not small girl might say

because it’s okay, now, then, a decade or so ago

it’s good to say you want to be something

like a firefighter, or a police officer, or a pilot

something that shows how far the world has come

et cetera

but today i think to myself

perhaps i should be a pilot

because i find myself feeling

more at home when i don’t know what time of day it is

because i don’t know where i am, or who i am, or who i am next to

someone who lives a country or a few countries away

from the girl i know, i knew, to be me

and i grew and grow and go

to places where i don’t know anything

and come back to another place

where i don’t know anything anymore

and i think some more and i think again to myself

i feel more at home when i am on a train or a plane

and the objective is clear because

i have to get from there to here or here to there

somewhere,

elsewhere.

animation by avivalyn